Several weeks ago I was lying in bed. Although exhausted, sleep was but one wishful thought among many as my brain relentlessly replayed the chaotic events of the day.
In this restless state I saw myself balanced way up on a tightrope. What this high-tension line was connected to, I wasn’t sure… but it seemed to be stretching off in the direction of “success” â that place where the line ended in relaxation, presence, and the possible pursuit of greater passions still.
Regardless of what wondrous wish supplied this tension, it seemed clear I had worked my way into a precarious spot high above the ground. Worst of all was the feeling that the only thing preventing a bone-crushing fall was an ongoing balancing act done by a person I was terrified of becoming: The overstressed, unhealthy, burned-out husk… missing the sunny days and opportunities to play with the people that mattered most.
Amidst this imagined pageantry and my late-night-life-analysis, a phrase flashed into my mind, causing an unexpected cascade of circular self-reflection:
“You become what you’re being.”
What was I being? Suddenly, I was no longer up on a line, I was at the center of a circle, surrounded by a spectrum of the many roles I played and the emotions tied to each. The fun loving father. The passionate creator. The work-a-day-martyr. The carnal primate.  The half-baked sage. Joyful and full of life or miserable and grasping… I wasn’t one thing, I was whatever I was doing. I was the parts I played.
What are you becoming?
So many of us live today in service of tomorrow, not realizing that to define our lives by a journey means we’re never truly home. By believing “success” is possible, we define today as falling short. What you’re believing is how you’ll be living… what do you want life to be?
“You become what you’re being” has been both cautionary and liberating as I experience the collision of my self-image with my self-action each day. I will not become just an overstressed, unhealthy, burned-out husk because I’m being more: A human being grateful for every shining moment of joy, accepting of every crushing defeat, inspired by the acts of others and empowered to create without apprehension for the enjoyment of all. Mostly, I’m unspeakably humbled by the magnitude of the mystery that we ourseleves are.
I’m a human being becoming a human-being-becoming.
What are you a human being?
~r
Down the rabbit hole:
The night this struck me, I got out of bed, opened my notebook and attempted to wrap this phrase (and the ideas behind it) into one image that could serve as a point of meditation when I found myself being something I did not enjoy. I feel I’ve succeeded in this, and am happy to share it in the hopes it will be similarly enjoyed by others.
This image is loosely connected to the Bhavacakra, or “wheel of becoming” from buddhist thought. The six divisions of the circle represent six realms of experience, from joyful bliss above, to hellacious suffering below, and the various states of being that link the two.
If you want to dig deeper into the Bhavacakra, here is a great recorded lecture by standup philosopher Alan Watts:
I paused. I then stopped. Now this question is ringing in my ears. I don’t want to become who I’ve been busy being. Now what? How do we extract ourselves from the untruthful being without letting the rest of our world fall down around us?
Amber â Thank you so much for your question, it has prompted several hours of reflection and great conversation with my wife on this topic. Here is what I humbly offer as continued food for thought:
First of all, it does seem as though we have this power of action. To change where we are, who we are with and what we are being. Sometimes a big shakeup is profoundly regenerative, although difficult, like a forest fire burning away old growth to be reborn over many long seasons. Only you can know the health of your forest, and if such a lighting bolt is called for…
That said, I think that most of the time when we feel an âuntruthful being,â it may be us wrestling with our self-image and the clash between “how we think of ourselvesâ and the roles and actions of our lives. We may think âIf I extracted myself from what Iâm doing I could be a truer self.â When really, you can quit everything and run to the other side of the world, but youâre still going to be you. Yourâre still going to be flowing out of a center of action that you yourself are.
I found myself acting in a way (wearing a tie and being cranky) that was in sharp contrast to my favored self-image (the familyman-philosophartist). So I imagined a tightrope that I was either balanced on or falling off. The uncomplication, I think, was to realize that we are not one role, we are many, and they are changing all the time. Somehow, everything Iâm doing IS the truest possible me⌠the one I canât define.
Iâm becoming who Iâm being â and right now Iâm becoming connected to you â an opportunity I am deeply grateful for that could only have happened as a product of all the roles we both have been playing⌠So thank you for being just exactly what you are : )
Cheers,
~r
I found, quite by accident recently, that my tightrope-as-platform is actually a sort of sphere. (Stick with me here, I hope the rabbit hole isn’t too deep.) In my being-as-becoming-as-being, I realized that I am my most true self when I’m bringing my best to the situation, even if that’s a 4 hour business meeting with butting heads and people struggling for clarity. I’m not walking a line – I’m in the gravitational center of a sphere, resonating at the pitch that feels like me.
The transition to living this way full time cost me a few things, notably some superficial friendships, but I’ve gained a ton. I’m lucky that what I do for work is very fulfilling for me in general, and what’s left in terms of friction is pretty simple animal-level stuff. (Cold? Hungry? Tired? Cranky.) What I’ve gained, though, is a sureness of footing that takes me closer to the edge where I can see the really amazing views. Now. To finish my extra-hours-in-the-day machine…
Lol- well described, Ave… I love that image of going out on the edge to see the most amazing views… I often find that the most rewarding moments are arrived at only when we are brave enough to get ourselves there.
Your description of being at the center of a sphere is very much how I’ve come to experience the many roles I play and how playing each role fully leads to the next, without resentment for one taking the place of another. Cheers:)